What Souls are Made Of
by HerNamewasAlice
Summary: "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same" - Emily Bronte/ Ben and Rey attempt to have a relationship despite living far away.


**A/N: Rey is 18, Ben is 28**

**I'm mainly on Archive of Our Own**

* * *

_Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same._

_ \- Emily Bronte._

It started off with innocent intentions.

Nothing romantic.

Rey had just turned eighteen and was finally able to leave the foster system. She was preparing for this moment for_ years, _she had been working since she was sixteen years old and saved nearly all of her paychecks for this. She has an apartment now inhabited by two roomates and has enough emergency money for three months' rent in advance. It was a small apartment, not exactly set in the fanciest or safest location but it was still the best place she's ever lived.

Her roommates are nice but she rarely saw them for they worked.

She had spent almost her whole life being passed around from foster parent to foster parent that she never had a friend. She had friends here and there but they were circumstantial. It's sad to say that she's never had a true friend once in her eighteen years of life.

She spends time with her coworkers here and there but it wasn't something she could call friendship. They were nice and kind but she also knew that they talked bad about one another. She resorts to finding friends online. She tries a bunch of sites and apps, does a lot of test runs but all interactions eventually faded out. There were two reasons for this - either the person was secretly trying to find a relationship or it just didn't click conversation wise.

But still, Rey is hopeful. She gravitates more for the anonymous pen pal apps, the one that doesn't require to have a profile photo and are strictly friendship based. This makes her feel safe for the other apps she came across were users turning the app into a hookup thing. She wasn't here for sex. She just wanted a friend. Anytime someone asks for a photo off the bat, she immediately stops talking to them. Anytime some asks about her gender or her exact age, she blocked them.

There was a time and place for those questions but she believed it shouldn't be the first initial questions. It should be lead up to.

Her profile was very to the point about her intentions.

**Book_Scavenger**

**About Me:**

_age: 18-20s_

_country: United States_

_Hi there :) I'm a lover of all things nerdy, books, crafting, and plants. __Looking to find a friend that I can have sort of a bookclub with. _

_I have never read Harry Potter and would really want to find someone who would want to read the series together._

_It's really hard to find someone that hasn't read Harry Potter (not surprisingly since the books are long completed lol) _

_and__ I would love to have someone experience the books with me._

Her bio was short and to the point. She's seen other profiles where people put practically novels about themselves but Rey didn't want to do that. She wanted to get to know the person on her own. Initially she wanted to have a traditional pen pal, exchange physical letters but her living situation made that inconvenient. Her apartment wasn't in the safest location and so she has a PO box to avoid having mail stolen. Most of her bills are sent to her electronically and she didn't have a car so a trip to her PO box was about a forty minute bus ride. She goes to her PO box about twice a month and so it makes sense to exchange contact with her pen pal through emails and/or pen pal apps.

It was surprisingly hard for her to find someone willing to read with her. She has a few pen pals and they bond over journaling and crafting though. They were nice pen pals but they only spoke occasionally to share photos of their latest bullet journal spreads and stationery haul. When they do talk it's for long periods before it goes stale. Rey doesn't mind this but she would like to find a friend she can text every day. She reminds herself that she's only been on this app for a little over two months and should be patient.

Her coworkers think it's weird that she has a pen pal app. They're still surprised and always tell her that she's pretty and sweet and must be joking. It doesn't matter to Rey because she already knows that she's the weird girl. People always approach her and try to get close to her but she always shuts down. She has trouble letting people in because the only ones that do were male with obvious intentions of something more. Girls don't really like her for that reason and for once she wants a real female friend. But on the app she keeps her settings open because she believes in giving people a chance. The pen pals that she does talk to were most likely female since they shared the same interest in journaling.

On her lunch break, she checks her phone for any notifications of new pen pals requesting to add her.

It's just one today.

She takes a bite of her bagel sandwich as she clicked on the profile.

**Kylo_Ren**

**About Me:**

_Age: 25-30s_

_Country: United States_

_Looking to make a friend. _

_It's quite difficult making friends__ as an adult that's done with school._

She stared at the bio. This was the shortest bio that she had seen, it was even shorter than hers. The person didn't even state their interests or anything. And that's sort of an issue since she can't grasp a sense of this person. What kind of name was Kylo Ren? Was it some character or a made up name or a real name? There was something off putting about Kylo_Ren's bio. She couldn't read the person and it scared her. She was about to deny the person's request until she gets another notification. She clicks on it and it's a message. From the same person, Kylo_Ren.

She opens the message.

**Kylo_Ren : I saw your bio and I would love to read Harry Potter with you**

Rey stared at the message. This was the first time since she's been on the app that someone wants to read with her.

**Book_Scavenger : Have you read the series?**

She took another it of her sandwich and waited for a response. Kylo_Ren was online and she watched the type bubble appear.

**Kylo_Ren : Is that your only job requirement?**

Rey raised her eyebrow. This pen pal was a stranger. She knew nothing of the person not even the gender but she swore the person was giving her attitude. There was something about the response that screamed male to her.

**Book_Scavenger : Yes**

She wanted to add that she was only here for friendship but she knew darn well if she put that that Kylo_Ren would figure she was female.

**Kylo_Ren : I haven't read the series either. Have you gotten all the books? **

**Book_Scavenger : I actually do. There are seven books to the series. I got them for a dollar each at a used book store**

**Kylo_Ren: That's a nice deal. Are they paperback or hardcover?**

**Book_Scavenger : a mix, they are in pretty good condition. Do you have the books?**

**Kylo_Ren: No you didn't give me the memo until now.**

Okay this Kylo_Ren was definitely a male she could tell by his sarcasm.

**Book_Scavenger : Sorry must have slipped my mind**

**Kylo_Ren : I'll get the books when I get the chance. I'll get them by the end of this week.**

**Book_Scavenger : you don't have to get all the books at once, you can get them one at a time. You can get them at used bookstores or borrow them from the library.**

**Kylo_Ren : So what's the plan? **

**Book_Scavenger : The first two books are thin so how about we read like the first four chapters and discuss them?**

**Kylo_Ren : sounds good. what's the time frame?**

**Book_Scavenger : hmm, well probably a week time frame starting once you get your books**

**Book_Scavenger : is that okay?**

**Kylo_Ren : that's more than enough**

**Book_Scavenger : my lunch break is ending soon, I'll talk to you more when I'm off**

**Kylo_Ren : I hope the rest of your shift goes smoothly. **

Rey packs up her sandwich to have for later and accepts his pen pal friend request before going back to work.

* * *

Ben stared at the conversation for a long time despite she was logged off an hour ago.

Ben had been using the app for six months now and this was the first time he's been able to talk to someone naturally. He has a few pen pals, knows how one looks like too but it wasn't what he can call friendship. They were more acquaintances. He has one pen pal to talk about films and another to talk about traveling. It was mainly interest related topics, nothing more. Of course him and his pen pals would ask about their day but it was mainly small talk that lead nowhere.

He would love to find someone that he can be friends with entirely but he knows it's a process and so he's constantly talking to a lot of people, trying to see if it clicks and a friendship can emerge.

His conversation with Book_Scavenger was formal as it naturally goes when speaking to complete stranger for the first time but he feels a connection. Well it's not a full connection or anything but he sees the potential. Book_Scavenger seemed to be okay with his dry humor and that eased him a bit.

He clicked on Book_Scavenger's bio and examined it. Book_Scavenger seemed female with the style of wording but it's hard to confirm with a gender neutral username like that. Ben shrugged. It didn't really matter to him really. He's not looking to date and besides he's pretty sure he's talking to someone who lived far away.

He put his phone away and went back to work.

The second it hits six, he takes no time in getting into his car. He picks up takeout, Thai food tonight. Pad Thai and crab fried rice and chicken skewers. It was a lot of food but he can eat the rest for tomorrow. He sets the food on his counter as he searched through Netflix for something to watch. He lived alone and he liked having background music to cover the dreary silence. He pours himself a glass of wine as he searched relentlessly for something new to watch.

This is taking him way to long and he knows his food is getting cold.

He settles for an episode of the Office that he's seen a million times. The Injury.

He pressed pause on the episode and goes on amazon to order the books. It would be reasonable if he actually hunted for the books for a good deal but with his schedule, it made it difficult. This was more convenient. He orders the entire series paperback edition for about fifty two dollars. He has prime too and should get it by tomorrow evening. He resumes the episode and began digging into the food.

It was a little odd spending that amount of money over a little interaction but it wasn't that much, he tries to justify to himself. He should have waited a few days and feel out the pen pal before investing something like that. But still, fifty dollars wasn't much. His phone vibrates as he's watching Dwight drive into a pole. He grabs his phone and clicks on the app notification.

It was from the pen pal app.

**Book_Scavenger : I just got out of work **

There is a sleeping face emoji. He couldn't help but to smirk.

**Kylo_Ren : How was work?**

**Book_Scavenger : It was work. Busy but I'm used to it. It was okay, not great but okay. **

**Kylo_Ren : I feel the same. I'm eating dinner right now**

**Book_Scavenger : same. what are you eating?**

**Kylo_Ren : thai food. Pad thai mainly.**

Ben set his phone down for a moment to squeeze lime onto his noodles and a nice drizzle of siracha.

**Book_Scavenger : sounds good. I'm having my lunch leftovers. a bagel sandwich. I like bagel sandwiches but it tastes old and stale.**

**Kylo_Ren : What's in the sandwich?**

**Book_Scavenger : It's an everything bagel with jalapeño lemon cream cheese, egg, and bacon. bagels are my favorite food.  
**

Ben smirked. What a strange thing to be excited about.

**Kylo_Ren : bagels are good. I assume you really like bagels**

**Book_Scavenger : I do, really do. Never had a New York bagel but the mom and pop shop I go to make the best bagels hands down**

**Kylo_Ren : so you're telling me you would go to New York just to try their bagels?**

**Book_Scavenger : Basically lol. Have you tried bagels from New York?**

**Kylo_Ren : no but I had plenty of bagels and heard the legends**

**Book_Scavenger : I doubt I'll ever go to New York but I think that's a good thing because what if I try it and then I can never have a regular non New York bagel again?**

Ben nearly spits out his food. This person has a sense of humor.

**Kylo_Ren : or what if it doesn't live up to the hype? I think that's worse especially after making a pilgrimage like that**

**Book_Scavenger : My username was literally going to be Bagel_Scavenger but that sounded silly**

* * *

Rey felt her face grow hot. Did she really just sent him that message?

Did she just told him that she was going to literally go by Bagel_Scavenger? Immediately she threw her phone on the opposite side of her bed. She doesn't want to know what he's going to say. Or what if what she said was too weird and he's just going to leave her on read?

She decides to leave her room and sit in the living room.

She would have put her phone on silent but she didn't want to see or know about a notification.

"What's wrong?" Tay asked her.

"It's nothing, Tay," Rey assured her. "It's just a bit stuffy in my room that's all."

"You look like you saw someone getting shot again."

"Don't remind me," she shook her head, trying to erase the memory. "What are you watching?" She stared at Tay's laptop then.

"Oh my god girl, how have you not watched _Friends_?"

"I know it's _Friends_ but what episode?"

"The one where Ross Finds Out." Tay angled her laptop for Rey to watch too. "A classic, a tear jerker, a get you in your feels."

Rey nodded and decided to watch with her.

An episode turned into five episodes. Netflix has a way of doing that. But after five episodes, Rey feels ready to check the status of her phone.

**Kylo_Ren : you're cute**

She can feel her ears getting hot and her cheeks getting splotchy. She looked at the upper right of the screen, he just logged back on. Most likely once he was notified that she opened the message.

Okay, now she's sort of panicking because she knows that he's waiting for her response. She froze in place. She doesn't know what to say. She's not sure if he's trying to flirt or was just being sarcastic.

A new message pops up. Instantly.

**Kylo_Ren: your love for books must be strong. What kind of books do you read?**

**Book_Scavenger : anything that appeals to me. But mainly poetry and classics**

**Kylo_Ren: Please don't tell me that your favorite book is Pride and Predijudice. Please don't**

There was a skull emoji attached at the end.

**Book_Scavenger : of course not. I like other books**

**Kylo_Ren : good because that's such a basic response. **

**Kylo_Ren : please don't tell me that your favorite poem book is Milk and Honey**

Skull emoji and pistol emoji followed.

**Book_Scavenger : they're both good books but god no. I like a lot of classic books**

**Kylo_Ren : like what?**

**Book_Scavenger : mostly childhood books like Anne of Green Gables and Secret Garden and Peter Pan. My all time favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird**

**Kylo_Ren : ah you're a whimsical reader. To Kill a Mockingbird, I approve**

**Book_Scavenger : and you?**

**Kylo_Ren : The Jungle Book and Tarzan. I read all the books to both series. My favorite is a Tale of Two Cities. **

**Book_Scavenger : You love tragic endings for main characters, don't you?**

**Kylo_Ren :**** It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. **

**Book_Scavenger : ah my heart.**

Rey put a crying emoji with a broken heart.

**Book_Scavenger : I love the book but I can't reread it. It's so sad. **

**Kylo_Ren : Why do you find the book sad?**

**Book_Scavenger : Because Sydney Carton loved Lucie! But she didn't love him back and she got married to Charles Darnay! And despite that Sydney Carton loved her and didn't want Lucie to lose the love of her life! Sydney Carton swapped clothes with Charles and sacrificed himself! **

**Kylo_Ren : Sydney didn't want Lucie's child to have no father. He had to do the right thing.**

**Book_Scavenger : he gave his life for her even though she didn't want him. it breaks my heart. he deserved better**

**Kylo_Ren : either way if he lived, he still would have been unhappy to see the woman he loved with someone else. He loved her enough to sacrifice himself and that was enough for him.**

**Book_Scavenger : this is why I need someone to talk about Harry Potter. As you can tell I am too invested in fictional characters and need emotional support.**

**Kylo_Ren : aren't we all?**

* * *

They talk a lot.

Frequently. It wasn't like his other pen pals where they message when they get the chance. They respond instantly, it was practically texting at this point.

**Kylo_Ren**: **I finally got my books**

He tells her this a week later after their first conversation. He didn't want to tell her until a week in. He didn't want to scare her and tell her that he got them the same day.

**Book_Scavenger : I literally forgot about that**

**Kylo_Ren : sorry, it took a while for me to get them**

**Book_Scavenger : no worries! It's just wasn't on my mind since we talk about other stuff besides books**

**Kylo_Ren : are you ready to dig into books clearly aimed at children but marketed for all ages?**

**Book_Scavenger : yes. are you ready to be stuck with the whimsy?**

**Kylo_Ren : I don't think I have a choice with all the wizards and all**

**Kylo_Ren : so tell me, book_scavenger why haven't you read the books before?**

**Book_Scavenger : It was hard for me to be able to check the book out at the library. There was always a wait list and I didn't have the money for the books. When they came out they were all hardcover and those are pricey for a kid. But I was able to check out any other book you can tell.**

**Book_Scavenger : how about you?**

**Kylo_Ren : I was a reader but the books never appealed to me. I was at an age that wanted to read adult fiction. have you seen the movies?**

**Book_Scavenger : just the first one but it was such a long time ago. I don't remember. I hate going to a series basically being spoiled.**

**Kylo_Ren : same. well everyone knows Dumbledore dies. Everyone was mourning about it when it happened. I remember my friends making youtube edit videos with corny 2000s music**

**Book_Scavenger: I remember that time. Baggy jeans and crop tops and lip gloss LOL what a time**

**Book_Scavenger : I can't wait to read the series and get to know and love the character to cry about it too**

**Kylo_Ren : you'll be fine lol**

**Book_Scavenger : i'll mourn for him and put on some eyeliner and a black dress**

**Kylo_Ren : please don't go My Chemical Romance on me**

**Book_Scavenger : I have to, I really do**

**Kylo_Ren : why do I have a feeling that you get your clothes at Box Lunch?**

Ben doesn't know what she looks like but he has a feeling she must be cute by her personality. She was so vibrant and geeky. He can see her being the type of girl to wear a graphic tshirt with a floral printed skirt and a pastel colored cozy knit cardigan and beat up sneakers. With her hair in a loose ponytail held together by a pastel ribbon.

**Book_Scavenger : no way. their stuff is cute but way too overpriced. Like 28 dollars for a graphic tshirt not including tax? At most I'll spend for a tshirt is 20 dollars.**

**Kylo_Ren : I'll talk you later tonight, my lunch break is ending.**

**Book_Scavenger : Read the first four chapters when you're home first**

**Kylo_Ren : is that an order?**

**Book_Scavenger : yes, yes it is**

**Kylo_Ren : talk to you soon Scavenger**

To be honest, the series isn't his cup of tea. It's just too kiddish for him. He knows that since he didn't read them when he was younger he has a different view on them. He reassures himself that usually the first book is still trying to find its footing and that it'll progress in the other books. The first books in any series were always like that, to establish the world and main characters.

**Kylo_Ren : so I finished reading the first few chapters.**

**Book_Scavenger : and? ? ?**

**Kylo_Ren : they're okay. it's hard to grasp an opinion with the first book**

**Book_Scavenger : I FEEL THE SAME OMG**

Ben sighed in relief. He finished the chapters pretty quickly but he took his time trying to message her. He didn't want to hurt her feelings.

**Kylo_Ren : I feel it'll be better if I read them as a kid because reading them for the first time as an adult with no life or will to live kinda sucks. **

**Book_Scavenger : everyone was telling me I was gonna love the books but I see know people are living off of nostalgia of it being their first big kid chapter book.**

**Kylo_Ren : I was told that the series does get better, remember how horrible the Office was first season**

**Book_Scavenger : Don't remind me. It's so painful to watch**

**Kylo_Ren : hey if we don't end up liking the Harry Potter series, we'll look for another book series to get into**

**Book_Scavenger : Really? ? ? ****I would really like that. I like having a book club buddy**

Ben couldn't help but to smile.

* * *

Three and a half months later, they're at Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was nice having someone to talk to about books. It was also nice watching the author grow in her writing too. The books were getting better and better. More complex. More compelling.

**Kylo_Ren : Do you want to read the next four chapters and try to discuss it tomorrow?**

**Kylo_Ren : if you're not busy**

**Book_Scavenger : I would love to! and no i'm not busy**

**Kylo_Ren : why is that?**

**Book_Scavenger : probably the same reason why you aren't busy tomorrow on a Saturday night**

**Kylo_Ren : I'm pretty sure you're not a monster like me**

**Book_Scavenger : No i'm just a man who lives in his mom's basement**

**Kylo_Ren : somehow I doubt that**

**Book_Scavenger : you don't even know how I look like **

**Kylo_Ren : I can tell you're a girl. the way you talk is obvious or gender fluid for all I know I don't care**

**Book_Scavenger : I like being anonymous. I like being a nobody**

**Kylo_Ren: you're not to me**

Ben stared at his screen. She was typing something and then she stopped altogether. She was still logged on.

**Kylo_Ren : I just want to be your friend. I respect your privacy.**

Something in him tells him that she must be a pretty girl with how much she valued her privacy. He can tell that she had bad experiences online sharing a photo of herself.

**Kylo_Ren : I never once asked for your name or your age or anything like that**

She's starting to type something. Ben holds his breath.

**Book_Scavenger : I like talking to you**

**Kylo_Ren : I do too**

Ben answers her immediately.

**Book_Scavenger : I like the way things are**

**Kylo_Ren : I know nothing about you and you don't know anything about me either. It's weird to think about this**

**Kylo_Ren: that we've been talking for three months**

**Kylo_Ren : every single day.**

**Kylo_Ren : from morning**

**Kylo_Ren: to night**

**Kylo_Ren : we tell each other so much about our days and lives and yet we're so ambiguous about it**

**Kylo_Ren : You don't know my name or what I do for a living. you don't know**

**Kylo_Ren : and somehow you know everything about me. More than anyone I know in person.**

**Kylo_Ren : you know about my depression and you know about my family. you know about how the way things are with my mom and dad. **

**Kylo_Ren : you know how lonely I am**

**Kylo_Ren : I don't want anything romantic I just want to know you more. I want to know more about my friend**

His thumbs are bruised from typing so frantically but he had to let himself speak before she said something. Before she could push him away.

**Book_Scavenger : I been through a lot in my life**

**Book_Scavenger : it's really scary to give myself to anyone even something as so small as my identity**

**Book_Scavenger : my name is the only thing I have**

**Kylo_Ren : i'm not asking where you live. I'm not even asking to put a face on who I speak to every single day. **

**Book_Scavenger : what do you want?**

**Kylo_Ren : I want you to be my friend**

**Book_Scavenger : you're my first friend**

**Book_Scavenger : my first real friend**

**Kylo_Ren : and you are mine**

* * *

His friendship with her was something he had never experienced.

She was his first real friend and yet he didn't even know her name. But he respects her. He knows what she had been through. She had lost her parents when she was little and was passed around from foster home to foster home. She never got adopted and once she turned eighteen she was able to leave.

Ben doesn't even know how old she is.

She could be in her mid twenties for all he knew. Or she could be still in her late teens.

At first it didn't bother him, not knowing about her but slowly it was. He blames the algorithms. Not so conveniently, an ad popped up on his phone of a Harry Potter sweatshirt. It was such a cute sweatshirt, it was a baseball style sweatshirt. Faded gray with maroon colored sleeves. It had the book cover of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It was unisex and the fit looked nice.

It was bound to happen. They were always talking about Harry Potter so eventually stuff like that appeared on his feed everywhere.

Ben wanted to give it to her except he couldn't.

It's on his mind for the last couple of days until it drives him crazy.

He writes it down first before sending her a message.

**Kylo_Ren : I want to get you something. I saw this shirt and I know you'd like it. I respect your privacy and I'm just trying to figure how to do this. ****Do you have a PO box or something? If not can you get one? I really want to send it to you. **

**Book_Scavenger : you don't have to get me anything**

**Kylo_Ren : I want to**

**Book_Scavenger : I don't want you to spend money on me**

**Kylo_Ren : please**

**Kylo_Ren : it's a sweatshirt and it's soft I think. It's a unisex fit. What size are you? The sizes range from small to xxl**

Ben watched as she stopped typing altogether. She's thinking about it, he knew. He can sense it, her hesitation by the way she kept typing and then stopping.

**Kylo_Ren : it's nothing really. I know you'll love it**

**Kylo_Ren : I'll erase your PO box location from memory too**

She's typing again.

He holds his breath.

**Book_Scavenger: I'm a size small.**

Involuntarily, he bit his lip. It was a little detail about her but it helped give him an idea about her. He pictured her for a while to be a small girl and having confirmation about it made his head spin.

**Book_Scavenger: I do have a PO box**

She sends him the address of her post office. He clicks on the link. She lives in California.

He lives in Washington.

Ben doesn't know why but he's swallowing hard at the realization. It never occurred to him that she lived far from him since they kept it a secret. They've been talking so much that she felt so close to him. Tangible almost.

**Kylo_Ren : you're a California girl? That explains so much**

**Book_Scavenger : where do you live? it's only fair**

**Kylo_Ren : Washington**

**Book_Scavenger : I shouldn't be surprised. you love the cold**

**Book_Scavenger : I hope it's a nice sweatshirt and not a dead body**

**Kylo_Ren : why not both?**

* * *

The package is labeled to _Scavenger Girl_.

Rey doesn't know why but this makes her smile. She holds the package securely throughout the bus ride home. She wanted to open it in the safety of her room and so she can try it on. The bus ride doesn't go by any faster. It feels like forever. She had been waiting for about two weeks for this to come in the mail.

"Hey Tay!" Rey said as she ran past her roommate.

"Wait a minute!" June yanked Rey by the hand. "What's the rush?"

Tay smiled back. "Yeah what is the rush?"

"What's that?" June asked flicking her long dreads from her shoulders.

"Is it from your secret admirer?" Tay grinned.

"No. Guys for the last time he's my pen pal!" Rey huffed. "He's just my friend!"

"God I hope he's hot for your sake," June winked as she pinched Rey's cheek.

"Stop it," Rey giggled as she brushed them off. She headed to her room to finally open her gift. She had never gotten a gift before and she couldn't help but smile.

**Book_Scavenger: I got your gift today. thank you :)**

**Book_Scavenger: I'm opening it right now**

Kylo_Ren was at work right now and she knew he wasn't going to open the message until three hours later. It was a standard package, delivered from the company online store. This makes her feel at ease that it was just what he told her, a sweatshirt and nothing else. She opens it carefully, the item of clothing is sealed and untampered.

She doesn't know why she's so skeptical about receiving a gift. She's been talking to him for months. She feels comfortable with him except it's still scary receiving mail from someone she doesn't know their name.

She tears at the plastic and wrappings.

"Oh my god," words escaped her mouth. It was such a cute sweatshirt. It was soft too. Immediately, she tugged off her shirt and pulled over the sweatshirt. She ran to the mirror to look at her reflection. It was unisex and it was on the larger side. It draped her body like a tunic but it made her love it. She could wear leggings with them. and be secure for the sweatshirt was long. It was so comfy too like a blanket and she liked the faded look. The printed design was vibrant and fully saturated, and gave the sweatshirt a beautiful contrast. The sleeves were long and reached her knuckles.

She grabbed her phone and immediately sent him another message.

**Book_Scavenger: I love it! ! ! Thank you. :)**

Rey sent about ten heart emojis.

**Book_Scavenger: i never got a gift from someone before. I'm so grateful :) I'm so lucky to have you as a friend :)**

**Book_Scavenger: it's so cute too omg. I'm going to wear this every single day**

* * *

He reminds himself not to picture Book_Scavenger. He doesn't want to. But he can't help himself.

She could be older for all he knew. It was required to put an age range on the app.

Ben doesn't want to imagine how she looked like. She could be plain. She could be homely. She could be pretty. She could be tall. She could be short. She could be the sweetest girl. She could be a compulsive liar. She could be cruel. She could be deceptive. She could be anything. He doesn't want to be set on what wasn't real. He doesn't want to fall in love with a fantasy. It's really hard not to. The whole ambiguity of it was alluring. He doesn't have feelings for her. He doesn't. He knows well that he likes the whole idea of it and not really her as a person.

He knows it was better this way, to not know because sometimes people are different in person. It was better not to know and to be always wondering. He tries not to but it's always in the back of his mind.

When it was time for his lunch, Ben didn't check his phone. Instead he ate in silence.

Ben doesn't check his messages on the app until he gets home and once he was settled in bed. He chuckled to himself at the messages.

**Kylo_Ren : does it fit okay? it's not too small right?**

Ben watches as the active light appeared. She just got on right now, the second he responded.

He couldn't help but to wonder if she was waiting for his response.

**Book_Scavenger : it's a bit loose on me but it fits just right. I love it. It's perfect :)**

His eyes darken from her words. It was loose on her? How small was she? He pulled his blanket over his body.

**Book_Scavenger : fits like an oversized sweater**

**Kylo_Ren : like you're wearing a man's shirt ?**

**Book_Scavenger : that's a better way to describe it. I was going to say tunic lol**

She must be slender. Petite. Involuntarily, Ben slipped his hand underneath the covers and touched himself. He wants to ask for a picture but he knows it will scare her. And also it might ruin everything. Ruin their friendship.

**Kylo_Ren : do you really mean it that you're going to wear it every day lol**

**Book_Scavenger : YES. **

**Kylo_Ren : are you wearing it right now?**

**Book_Scavenger : yes lol **

It was close to midnight. She must be in bed. He was aroused, his hand attempting to relieve himself.

**Book_Scavenger : don't judge me lol**

**Kylo_Ren : you were just complaining to me earlier that it was hot in your city. is it still hot? please don't wear it if it is. Don't want you to get a heat stroke.**

**Book_Scavenger : it's not as a hot anymore. it's still warm so i'm just wearing the sweatshirt. It's long enough so i'm not suffering that much lol**

He teased himself at the tip, touching the beads of precum that was trickling down. He doesn't know what makes him more turned on - the fact that he's finding ways to get to know snippets about how she looked or the fact she was oblivious to what he was doing. She was really innocent and there was something endearing about it. And also arousing.

He doesn't masturbate much to be honest. The last time he had was months ago. But there's something about this very moment that turned him on. Knowing that she loved her sweatshirt and was wearing it felt like he was there with her. In her bed.

**Kylo_Ren : i'm glad.**

He wished he was touching her there instead of touching himself.

**Book_Scavenger : how was your day?**

**Kylo_Ren : it was the same. work and now I'm home**

**Book_Scavenger : that's all? **

**Book_Scavenger : nothing new?**

He studied her messages. She was trying to find out why he hadn't responded sooner. They memorized one another's schedules and routines now. She knows that this was out of the ordinary.

**Kylo_Ren : no. nothing new**

**Kylo_Ren : I went on a date after work but that was all.**

He struck a cord he knew. There was a pause and she was typing and then she stopped. He winced to himself as his hand worked his way up his length. He could see it, her little face twisting up.

**Book_Scavenger : how was it?**

**Kylo_Ren : she was nice but i'm not interested**

**Kylo_Ren : there's nothing there with me and her**

**Book_Scavenger : I'm sorry **

She sent this message too quickly. Too eagerly.

**Book_Scavenger : I know you'll find someone. you're a great guy :)**

**Kylo_Ren : I'm not attractive. women don't like me**

Ben wasn't. Everything about his features was odd. He was too tall, his features too long and sharp.

**Book_Scavenger : i'm not attractive either but beauty is subjective**

**Book_Scavenger : i'm sure you're not beastly**

**Kylo_Ren : i'm more of a horse really**

**Book_Scavenger : looks don't really matter to me tbh. I don't know how you look like but I know you are a great person. and that's all that matters**

**Kylo_Ren : looks don't matter to me either but most people aren't like us**

**Book_Scavenger : at least you've dated**

Ben stopped touching himself.

**Kylo_Ren : you must be lying. I find this hard to believe**

**Book_Scavenger : I've never dated**

**Book_Scavenger : i'm weird, you know that. **

For once, Ben wonders about it. He wonders what type of person she was. Was she antisocial? Was she intimidating? Was she an introvert? Was she shy? Or was she misunderstood? There was this stigma that people online were social shut ins and freaks but he wonders now about the merit to this regarding her. For months, whenever she said she was weird or a nobody, he thought she was being quirky and cute. Ben wonders if it was something else. Was she weird in a disturbing way? A creepy way? A manic pixie girl way? He couldn't help but to wonder if she was some forty year old virgin who lived with her mom and cats.

**Kylo_Ren : well you're just like me and that's okay**

Ben was weird. He wasn't mean or anything, he was just socially awkward. People are intimidated by his appearance and sometimes he gets overwhelmed with social settings.

**Book_Scavenger : i'm happy to have met you. I feel less alone in the world now :)**

Ben began to type a response. He wanted to tell her that he liked her and that he didn't care how she looked like. He just wanted to be with her. Ben stared at the message and immediately erased it. He doesn't want to scare her off and lose her. He was weird and this was clear by his intense feelings for someone he doesn't know.

* * *

They finish the entire series together by the beginning of October

They've known each other for about six months. Half a year. It didn't seem that long to him. It felt like he found her profile just yesterday. Ben couldn't help but to feel sad. He was happy that they got to experience the series together but it was bittersweet that it was over. He was going to miss having late night discussions over plot points in the books and character development.

**Book_Scavenger : are we going to still be friends now that it's over? LOL**

**Kylo_Ren : of course**

**Book_Scavenger : I know we can look for new books to read but I'm sad that it's over. Idk why but it makes me so sentimental**

**Kylo_Ren : there's always the spin off books that JK Rowling wrote**

**Book_Scavenger : OH YEAH I FORGOT**

**Kylo_Ren : lol and we can watch the movies and discuss them.**

**Book_Scavenger : that's the plan now! we can compare the films to the books :)**

**Kylo_Ren : I wish we can watch them together**

Ben held his breath. Please, please don't be scared. There was no reason for her to be scared.

**Book_Scavenger : I want to but we're far away**

His heart skips a beat with joy. In disbelief. In excitement. Delirious, delirious excitement. He takes no time in answering her back. His fingers are practically shaven down to the nub from constantly talking to her. He's still not used to it, having someone that he gets to talk to every single chance he gets. He spent so many years not really texting and it shows.

**Kylo_Ren : I can visit you**

**Kylo_Ren : if you want**

If you let me, he wanted to say. He watches her freeze up again. He doesn't know why he keeps trying to push her but he can't help it. He's tired. He wants to have a say.

**Kylo_Ren : I really like you**

**Kylo_Ren : I know it's crazy because of everything**

**Kylo_Ren : but I do. I really do.**

She started to type then. He stared at the typing bubble and waits until he gets a response. He knows what she's going to say. That it's better that they're friends - that he just likes the idea of her he has in his head. That she doesn't want them to ruin what they have.

**Book_Scavenger : I like you too.**

His heart skipped a beat. He feels the corner of his lips turning. He couldn't remember the last time he smiled. Was this real? If it wasn't, he didn't want to wake up.

**Book_Scavenger : I really don't care how you look like. I don't care who you are. How old you are. It doesn't matter.**

**Book_Scavenger : I've never been this close to someone before. It feels like you a part of me that I didn't know was missing.**

**Book_Scavenger : i'm just scared what if I'm not what you're expecting? **

**Kylo_Ren : I'm afraid of the same thing too**

**Kylo_Ren: but I don't think that's going to change anything**

**Book_Scavenger : Do you want to video chat? Do you want to exchange photos? Call? How do you want to do this?**

He stared at the message, desperately trying to decipher her words. She was opening up to him and he knew well that this was the first time she was opening up to anyone. She was excited and nervous all at once. And so was he but he can tell that a part of her wasn't ready to just out of nowhere show herself. It was anxiety inducing and he could feel his fingers tremble from the idea of sending a photo. It'll be so anticlimactic and detached. There were so many pros to the online world but also cons. It'll be better to ease her in. So they could mentally prepare themselves. What if she isn't what he's expecting? What if he wasn't what she wanted?

**Kylo_Ren : I want to see you in person first. I want to experience seeing you in person. I want to be able to interact with you. I want to be in the same room**

**Kylo_Ren: if you're okay with that**

**Kylo_Ren : it'll be in a public setting. I'll stay in a hotel, so you don't have to worry about my sleeping arrangements**

He added this to ensure that she was gonig to be safe and that nothing was going to happen to her. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her feel unsafe with him.

**Book_Scavenger : we can do that**

**Book_Scavenger : when do you plan on visiting?**

Technically Ben was going to be in her area for work next week for a few days but he decides not to tell her. He doesn't want her to assume that he was planning a whole trip to see her without her consent.

**Kylo_Ren : i think beginning of the next month before the flight prices spike up for the holidays**

**Book_Scavenger : are we really doing this? **

**Kylo_Ren: You don't want to?**

**Book_Scavenger : no of course I do**

He sighed in relief. He was panicking in what felt like forever. In reality it was only for a few seconds.

**Book_Scavenger : i just can't believe we're actually going to do this and see each other**

**Book_Scavenger : i can't believe you're spending money on me again**

**Kylo_Ren : i don't mind it's nothing really but until then, we'll read the other books JK Rowling wrote before meeting in person**

**Book_Scavenger : ill definately treat you to a bagel when I meet you**

**Kylo_Ren : ah compensation I approve. I want coffee too with it**

**Book_Scavenger : how long are you going to visit?**

**Kylo_Ren : just the weekend. My vacation time doesn't start until Christmas**

**Book_Scavenger : why not wait until then**

**Book_Scavneger: oh wait nvm prices for flights are at its all time high then**

**Book_Scavenger: do you think we're able to have a movie marathon in that time frame?**

**Kylo_Ren : that's no fun**

**Book_Scavenger : lol what**

**Kylo_Ren : I want us to just watch one movie a day and discuss it**

**Book_Scavenger : but you're only there for two days. can you do math?**

**Kylo_Ren : it'll give me an excuse to visit you more if that's okay. if we hit it off I can visit you in January after the prices go down**

**Book_Scavenger : you must be made of money or something.**

**Kylo_Ren : I make a decent living**

**Book_Scavenger : now you decide to be humble**

**Book_Scavenger : what do you do for a living?**

He blinked. Have they been really talking all this time without asking about what they did for a living?

**Kylo_Ren : I rather not say**

**Book_Scavenger : why not? I already have a hunch you have a good job**

He was an English professor part time, only part time. He was young, twenty eight and but he knows that he's going to get full time status soon enough. He only taught twice a week, taught only two classes. The other three days of the week he was an editor for his mother's publishing company. He liked working for his mothers company. He loved books - hell even got a degree and became a professor but he doesn't want to be at his mother's company forever. He wants to make his way in the world without nepotism. His coworkers don't like him for that reason. Ben could easily become CEO for the company but he doesn't want to. He's already hated enough. He likes to be invisible, unnoticed. A part of him does want to be production manager but he feels it's best if it was for another company and not his family's business. Of course his family would be upset if he was working for their competition and that was the reason why he never left. He's content with being just an editor but he feels trapped with both options. If he moved up in his family's business none of his coworkers will respect him despite the fact he was bright and an excellent worker. If he looked for employment elsewhere, his family would see him as a traitor. It was best for him to get full time status as a professor so he can be free from this. He hopes it happens soon but realistically it won't happen for at least another two years. He's only been a teacher for about a year and a half.

**Kylo_Ren : maybe it's best if we tell each other in person**

**Book_Scavenger : sounds like a plan :)**

**Book_Scavenger : but what I do for a living isn't much compared to you**

**Kylo_Ren : you don't even know what i do for a living lol**

* * *

Ben felt guilty for not telling her that he was going to be in California for work for the next few days. It feels like he was lying to her. He doesn't want to her to jump into conclusions. He couldn't help but to wonder if there were any chances of running in to her. Would he be able to recognize her? It was a silly question for he knew that he wouldn't. He doesn't know how she looks like at all. He wasn't even given her physical description either. Just because he was in her state it didn't mean anything. There were thousands and thousands of people. The odds of that was slim to none.

The meeting was held ten miles away from her post office.

Just knowing the fact makes him feel a certain way.

He was closer to her and yet he was still so distant. He doesn't know her name even after all this time. A part of him wants to try to find her after his company's meeting but he knows not to. He doesn't want her to think that he's some creepy stalker. Ben wasn't. It's just he's here in her state and he wants to see her. He feels so much of a puppy desperately wanting to find his owner.

After the meeting, he decides to go explore the city. He spent about an hour searching in his car all the yelp recommendations. There's nothing that's catching his eye. He decides to go to a bookstore and start from there.

The bookstore is only five miles away from the post office.

He tries not to think about it but that's all he could think about. He wanted to see her. He doesn't know what's wrong with him because he's going to see her next month but next month seemed so far away.

He has to distract himself or else he's going to be miserable until the time comes. He forces himself to go through all the shelves of the store, forces himself to read the titles on the spines.

Nothing is catching his eye.

Somehow he's in the children's section now. He doesn't even know how he got there. He was about to wander off elsewhere in the store until he sees a small little section dedicated to Harry Potter. He couldn't help but to be drawn by the colors. He goes through the books. The Harry Potter section is something. Besides it having the series, there are picture books, graphic novels, supplements, guides, and fully illustrated books of the entire series. The fully illustrated books are really beautiful. He wants to get all the fully illustrated books for her but he doesn't want to freak her out.

Sometimes, Ben comes out too strong and from experience he knows what happens when he does.

Maybe she'll be okay if he just got her the first book of it. Without letting himself think for another second, he's already grabbing the book off the shelf. He still lingers at the section, marveling at all the little plushes and merch. He's drawn to all the Slytherin merch. Book_Scavenger was such a Slytherin even though she keeps insisting she was a Gryffindor.

Once he was done with all the merch, he purchases the book.

There's a Michael's store in the same plaza. Ben figures to go and get some mailing envelopes. The store should have it, right? Ben assumes since it was a crafting store after all. The store is big and very cluttered all at once. He can feel people's eyes on him. He must have looked strange coming into the store in his work attire. For a big store there's somehow no employees on the floor. So he's stuck trying to navigate for damn envelopes.

They better have the envelopes.

He's roaming through all the aisles. He tries to go accordingly by the aisle labels but all the aisles are similar. He actually spots a worker in the scrapbooking aisle but there's a small little line for her. Apparently a big store thinks it's perfectly fine to have only one person on the floor. Poor girl. He's fourth in line but he couldn't help but to look at her.

He tried not to stare but he couldn't pull away.

She was beautiful.

There was something mesmerizing about her. She was so small, she hit to about his chest. She had prominent cheekbones and defined jawline but everything about her was delicate. Feminine. She looked so strong and soft all at once. Her hair was a warm brown and silky, even in the store light Ben could see the shades of gold and bronze in it. Her hair was in a messy bun and she didn't have a stitch of makeup on her face but there was something striking about her appearance. Her eyes were large and her lashes were long. From a distance he can see faint freckles scattered on her cheeks. Her cheeks were rosy and her lips were full.

He couldn't help but to be transfixed by her.

She had a red open vest and a badge and radio ear piece for her uniform but his eyes weren't on it. He was staring at her long sleeve shirt she was wearing underneath. It was a sweatshirt, gray with red sleeves with Harry Potter on it.

Ben blinked. Could this? No it couldn't. It must be a coincidence. The odds of someone owning the same sweatshirt was high and also Harry Potter was a popular series too.

He heard her voice then.

She was British.

This wasn't her. Book_Scavenger wasn't British. This Ben knew for sure. She was from the United States and spent her life jumping from foster home to foster home. The line didn't seem to be moving and so he decides to go elsewhere for mailing envelopes.

* * *

**Kylo_Ren : I want to tell you something**

**Kylo_Ren : please don't be mad though**

Rey stared at the messages. Her eyes flickered. He seemed distressed. Her palms suddenly became sweaty.

**Book_Scavenger : what is it?**

**Kylo_Ren : this weekend I was in your area for a work meeting**

Her eyes flickered again. It was Monday and he must be already back in Washington. She felt a little light hearted and sad. He was here in her city and yet she didn't know.

**Book_Scavenger : why didn't you tell me you were here? **

**Book_Scavenger : we could have met**

**Kylo_Ren : I didn't want you to think I was lying about me being here for work**

**Kylo_Ren : are you mad at me?**

**Book_Scavenger : a little but it's okay **

**Book_Scavenger : are you still visiting me in November?**

**Kylo_Ren : YES**

**Kylo_Ren : I really wanted to see you this weekend. There were so many times I wanted to text you and ask to see you.**

**Book_Scavenger : you could have **

**Kylo_Ren : I was a little scared maybe that's why I didn't**

**Book_Scavenger : it's okay i'm scared too**

She couldn't help but to wonder if in the past few days she had seen him or not. The idea of it was romantic but she knew it wasn't realistic. She shook her head. Most likely not. The odds in that were slim to none. What were the chances? She's never put a face to him before and for once she's wondering.

**Book_Scavenger : Can I ask you something? A serious question**

**Kylo_Ren : yes**

**Book_Scavenger : do you think it's possible to miss someone that you've never met before?**

**Kylo_Ren : I think it is**

**Kylo_Ren : being in your city**

**Kylo_Ren : being the closest I've ever been to you and yet not being with you**

**Kylo_Ren : it was painful**

**Kylo_Ren : it felt worse than being far away**

**Book_Scavenger : even being 949 miles away?**

Rey had looked it up some time ago.

**Kylo_Ren : much worse. **

Her skin tightened. Something told her that he looked it up too.

**Kylo_Ren: there's something worse about being in the same room as someone and not being able to speak to one another than being restricted by distance**

**Kylo_Ren : it's so much worse than being a six and half hour flight away.**

**Book_Scavenger : what if i'm not worth the flight?**

**Book_Scavenger : what if meeting me is a disappointment?**

She paused. She didn't know she was crying until she felt a tear run down her cheek. She was trembling. All she could remember was all the years hoping a foster parent would adopt her but they never did. She's been rejected her whole life and her heart can't bear to be rejected again. She's so afraid of being rejected. She's so afraid to be lonely. What if he just liked the idea of her? Not the real her but someone she could never be. She wiped her face with her work vest.

**Kylo_Ren : what if i'm not what you're expecting?**

**Kylo_Ren : would that change our friendship?**

**Book_Scavenger : no it wouldn't.**

**Kylo_Ren : it wouldn't for me either**

**Book_Scavenger: Hi my name is Rey. Nice to meet you.**

Her heart was beating rapidly. Her hands were trembling after what she had done. She was usually a cautious person and so doing something like this - as insignificant as it was, doing something so impulsively wasn't like her. She couldn't help it. She wanted to give him a part of herself the way he did with her. She's never been this close to someone before. And yet, it didn't feel enough. She wanted to be closer to him.

**Kylo_Ren : What a pretty name. **

**Kylo_Ren : Nice to meet you, my name is Ben.**

**Kylo_Ren : I can't wait to meet you for the first time next month**

**Book_Scavenger : me too**


End file.
